diff --git a/yggdrasil/src/communication/covert.rs b/yggdrasil/src/communication/covert.rs
new file mode 100644
index 000000000..f8d1256f1
--- /dev/null
+++ b/yggdrasil/src/communication/covert.rs
@@ -0,0 +1,121 @@
+use std::io::ErrorKind;
+use std::net::{Ipv4Addr, SocketAddr, UdpSocket};
+
+use bevy::prelude::*;
+use rand::{seq::SliceRandom, Rng};
+
+use crate::core::config::showtime::PlayerConfig;
+use bifrost::communication::{GameControllerMessage, GamePhase, GameState, Half};
+
+// TODO: we should expose a generic broadcast interface from team comms
+const PORT_RANGE_START: u16 = 10000;
+
+/// Per cycle interference probability
+const INTERFERENCE_PROB: f32 = 0.05;
+
+/// Plugin for leveling the playing field
+pub struct InterferencePlugin;
+
+impl Plugin for InterferencePlugin {
+    fn build(&self, app: &mut App) {
+        app.add_systems(Update, interfere);
+    }
+}
+
+/// System that strikes when the time is right
+fn interfere(
+    game_controller_message: Option<Res<GameControllerMessage>>,
+    player_config: Res<PlayerConfig>,
+    mut interference: Local<Option<Interference>>,
+) {
+    let team_number = player_config.team_number;
+
+    if let Some(message) = game_controller_message {
+        if Interference::should_engage_in_black_ops(team_number, &message) {
+            let opp = message
+                .teams
+                .iter()
+                .find(|team| team.team_number != team_number)
+                .expect("are we our own biggest haters?")
+                .team_number;
+
+            let interference = interference.get_or_insert_with(|| Interference::new(opp));
+            interference.interfere();
+        }
+    }
+}
+
+struct Interference {
+    socket: UdpSocket,
+    port: u16,
+    received: Vec<(SocketAddr, Vec<u8>)>,
+}
+
+impl Interference {
+    /// Creates a new [`Interference`].
+    fn new(opp: u8) -> Self {
+        let port = PORT_RANGE_START + u16::from(opp);
+
+        let socket = UdpSocket::bind((Ipv4Addr::UNSPECIFIED, port)).expect("the wifi is shit");
+        socket.set_nonblocking(true).expect("the kernel is shit");
+        socket.set_broadcast(true).expect("literally 1984");
+
+        Self {
+            socket,
+            port,
+            received: Vec::new(),
+        }
+    }
+
+    /// Interferes in foreign affairs.
+    fn interfere(&mut self) {
+        let mut buf = [0; 128];
+
+        loop {
+            match self.socket.recv_from(&mut buf) {
+                Ok((len, addr)) => self.received.push((addr, buf[..len].to_vec())),
+                Err(e) if e.kind() == ErrorKind::WouldBlock => break,
+                Err(e) => tracing::warn!(?e, "unable to receive packet while trying to █████████"),
+            }
+        }
+
+        let mut rng = rand::thread_rng();
+
+        // never let them know your next move
+        if rng.gen::<f32>() < INTERFERENCE_PROB {
+            if let Some((addr, packet)) = self.received.choose(&mut rng) {
+                // TODO: we could flip some bits
+                self.socket.send_to(packet, (addr.ip(), self.port)).ok();
+            }
+        }
+    }
+
+    /// Checks & balances in accordance with the international rules-based order
+    ///
+    /// these were revealed to me in a dream
+    fn should_engage_in_black_ops(team_number: u8, message: &GameControllerMessage) -> bool {
+        // if you think about it timeouts are like ceasefires and we should respect those
+        //
+        // if you believe this is a bug, see <https://tinyurl.com/2ct99w9u>
+        if message.game_phase != GamePhase::Normal {
+            return false;
+        }
+
+        // are we seeing active combat?
+        if message.state != GameState::Playing {
+            return false;
+        }
+
+        // have we abandoned all hope yet?
+        if message.first_half == Half::First {
+            return false;
+        }
+
+        let team = message
+            .team(team_number)
+            .expect("in destroying the enemy, we have lost ourselves");
+
+        // desperate times call for desperate measures
+        team.score == 0
+    }
+}
diff --git a/yggdrasil/src/communication/mod.rs b/yggdrasil/src/communication/mod.rs
index 8c7b7067a..752abb8ec 100644
--- a/yggdrasil/src/communication/mod.rs
+++ b/yggdrasil/src/communication/mod.rs
@@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
+mod covert;
 mod team;
 
 pub use team::{TeamCommunication, TeamMessage};
@@ -9,6 +10,8 @@ pub struct CommunicationPlugins;
 
 impl PluginGroup for CommunicationPlugins {
     fn build(self) -> PluginGroupBuilder {
-        PluginGroupBuilder::start::<Self>().add(team::TeamCommunicationPlugin)
+        PluginGroupBuilder::start::<Self>()
+            .add(team::TeamCommunicationPlugin)
+            .add(covert::InterferencePlugin)
     }
 }